You have accepted his proposal and decided upon the wedding date. Now all you have to do is prepare the guest list, choose your colors, order the flowers, find your perfect wedding dress, hire the photographer, decide where the reception will be, select the wedding invitations, decide on a menu for the reception, design the perfect wedding cake, and the list goes on…..and on….and on. This brings us to the all-important choice for your maid (or matron) of honor.
Is there any hard and fast rule for selecting your maid of honor?  What is the proper way to ask the person you choose? What if she declines your request? Let’s look at the most obvious first.
When a person chooses whom they would like to stand up for them at their wedding, the most obvious choice is often either their best friend or a close relative like a sister or cousin. But unfortunately, it is not that cut and dry. The maid of honor has responsibilities and duties in seeing that the wedding goes smoothly and that it truly is the best day of your life! She will be your right-hand assistant and at times, the very anchor to your sanity!
Therefore, it is crucial that your choice for maid of honor be based in part on their character. If you have any doubts about the reliability factor, you should consider selecting someone else. Because you don’t get “do overs,” it is extremely important that the person chosen can perform under pressure and has proven herself in some way in the past.
Consider also the feelings of potentially interested friends and relatives. In most cases, family feelings run deep and will be there no matter what. Friends, on the other hand, can come and go–even your closest of friends sometimes drift away or something unforeseen causes you to part ways. You ideally want your maid of honor to always be a part of your life so that you won’t have to look at your wedding photos later and have them “ruined” because that person is no longer a friend. On the other hand, if your closest friend is someone that has been a part of your life for a very long time (perhaps even a childhood friend), and then most family members will understand your selecting that friend over them. Just be sure to think of how those close to you will feel and be tactful.
Asking someone to be your maid of honor is exactly that! It should be viewed by that friend or relative as a true honor! Should you, however, get a rejection there is only one thing you can do. First, know in your heart that there is either a very good reason that she cannot be your maid of honor, or she is not the friend or relative that you thought she was (in which case, you are better off). Be gracious and let her know that while you understand, you are disappointed and regret her being unable to serve as your maid of honor. Then move on.
